The Myeloma Kid

A slow week...thank god!: Not too much happened this week. I'm finally getting the break that I was looking forward to when I left the hospital after my bypass surgery. It has afforded me the chance to catch up with some friends and also do lunch with friends from my office and work. It was nice. Last time I went was 3 or 4 months ago. And, I left with bittersweet feelings. This time I felt a little more positive. Like, I really missed being part of the gang and the office environment (scary to say). But, being sick and somewhat isolated in my daily activities, I've lost perspective of what life is like on the "outside". I've been in a rut of my medical routines. Which is fine to concentrate on what I need to do. But, I've had the feeling like I have nothing much to talk about "other" than my illnesses. And that get's old. So, hanging out with my friends from work gave me a lil taste of what life can be again. So, I'm gonna try to keep that as a goal to work towards. Another interesting thing happened this week (well, I found it interesting). I had a follow up appointment with my cardiac surgeon. I waited an hour and a half for 2 mins for him to say, "You look ok". (N0w give me your $30 copay). I literally tried to stall him with questions just to get my time and money's worth. Anyway...I digress. So, I'm filling out all the paperwork before I see him and the question comes up, "How would you rate your health; Very Good, Good, Fair, Needs Improvement, or Poor". I have cancer, kidney failure, and I've just had a heart bypass. And, without hesitation I quickly checked "Good". Isn't denial great!?! Seriously, in many ways it reflects how I feel.. I mean, I really don't feel sick. I'm fortunate that I don't feel ill from the cancer or the treatments. Dialysis is more of a pain in the ass then it is painful, and the bypass was about getting a clot out and it was just a one time thing. I don't feel sick and thankfully, except for a few instances, I've never felt sick. People have had to tell me I'm sick. Otherwise, I'd never know. And, I think that's what keeps me going. I don't let cancer or anything else get a hold of me. I try not to give it any place to stick it's heels into me. Is it denial? Maybe. Or is it I'd rather focus on other things which is probably more like it. I don't know. But, it is a clearer mindset for me. On a final diatribe note, I found out that many people are praying for me. I even found out that a friend of a friend's child includes me in her prayers each night....wow....can I just say wow. I can't think about that without getting a lil choked up. It's incredibly touching to think that. And for a while I've been feeling guilty because I've lost a lot of faith during all of this. I sometimes feel that I may not get by because of the faith I lost. Then, I realize that I have all of you. That friends are there to help me get through the rough times. So, I may not have the faith and I may not be saying all the prayers I use to. But, you all are; and you are carrying me when I sometimes have a hard time walking myself. That has been giving me the solace I need during some of my moments of despair. So, thanks from the bottom of my heart. Take care everyone. I thank and love you all. Lance