Thursday, July 19, 2007
It's Been a Couple of Weeks: But, I wanted to wait until I had something to say. I just got back from my oncologist and he gave me the run down from the stem cell transplant and my last round of chemo. According to the Doc, everything looks good. He's very satisfied with my current health, how I look, and all the numerical data. If you remember, when I first was diagnosed (a year ago today) my myeloma count was 1,200. As of today, my counts were at 10. Normal values range between 1 and 2. So....I'm doing pretty good. The Doc was encouraged and said that he thinks I should be good for "a while". Who's to say what a "while" is. But, I'm holding out for a few years before I gotta go through anything like this again. Besides, the Doctor indicated that should the levels start to increase in a few years then it's quite possible to simply treat the myeloma again with chemo doses of Velcade and steroids. I survived those treatments relatively well early on. So, if comes to that again, I'm hopeful that all will be well.
So, what does this mean? Well, for one thing it means that I will soon return to work. The Doctor gave me clearance to start again on Monday August 27th on a part time basis. I've continued to stay in touch with my company and so far they've been more than accomodating. Words cant describe how grateful I am for all their help and support. Come August I will need to rearrange my dialysis schedule to Tue, Thurs, and Sat so I can at least work on Mon, Wed and Fri. And, whatever other time I can afford on the remaining days. I will do whatever I can do.
I'm both excited and anxious to start work again. Don't get me wrong, I want to work and contribute again. But, let me tell you this last month not working or doing much else has been nice. Yes, I've still got dialysis. But, the other days off are nice. A person can get used to this....that's why I gotta get back to work. Besides, Social Security doesnt pay that well. I'm also a little nervous about going back to work, too. I mean, it's been a year and I don't know what I've missed or what I can contribute. I'm not even sure if I remember how to complete a timesheet. I feel as if I'll be a third-wheel in a sense. Part of my unsettleness at work has always been that I like to make a contribution. If I don't feel like I'm contributing, I don't feel useful. So I hope I can make a difference where ever I can.
It also means that I've been as active as I can be. I've been riding my new bicycle 12-15 miles at a time; I've been playing tennis; I've been golfing; and I've been going for long walks along the river (sounds like a Match.com profile...lol). Seriously, I've had some more time to myself now that the myeloma-related appointments are reduced to once a month. So, it's been good to get out and about. I'll tell you that I've forgotten how sore excerise can make me. It may not be the myeloma. It might not be that I havent exercised in a year. It might be that I'm 41! oh...ah....ouch! But, it's a good pain.
I sometimes wonder if I'm not exercising to keep the myeloma away. I think I figure that if I pedal a little harder, or go a little further, then I can keep the myeloma away a little longer. Realistically, I don't think that's the case. But, sublimally I think those are the roots of my exercising. It's good though. I enjoy being in shape. And being at 205lbs instead of 248lbs is more in line with my lifestyle. I like it. Hopefully I can just keep the Monte Cristos and Calzones at bay!
Anyway, I hope all is well and everyone is doing fine. Thanks again for everyone's help and support. Love ya's, Lance
So, what does this mean? Well, for one thing it means that I will soon return to work. The Doctor gave me clearance to start again on Monday August 27th on a part time basis. I've continued to stay in touch with my company and so far they've been more than accomodating. Words cant describe how grateful I am for all their help and support. Come August I will need to rearrange my dialysis schedule to Tue, Thurs, and Sat so I can at least work on Mon, Wed and Fri. And, whatever other time I can afford on the remaining days. I will do whatever I can do.
I'm both excited and anxious to start work again. Don't get me wrong, I want to work and contribute again. But, let me tell you this last month not working or doing much else has been nice. Yes, I've still got dialysis. But, the other days off are nice. A person can get used to this....that's why I gotta get back to work. Besides, Social Security doesnt pay that well. I'm also a little nervous about going back to work, too. I mean, it's been a year and I don't know what I've missed or what I can contribute. I'm not even sure if I remember how to complete a timesheet. I feel as if I'll be a third-wheel in a sense. Part of my unsettleness at work has always been that I like to make a contribution. If I don't feel like I'm contributing, I don't feel useful. So I hope I can make a difference where ever I can.
It also means that I've been as active as I can be. I've been riding my new bicycle 12-15 miles at a time; I've been playing tennis; I've been golfing; and I've been going for long walks along the river (sounds like a Match.com profile...lol). Seriously, I've had some more time to myself now that the myeloma-related appointments are reduced to once a month. So, it's been good to get out and about. I'll tell you that I've forgotten how sore excerise can make me. It may not be the myeloma. It might not be that I havent exercised in a year. It might be that I'm 41! oh...ah....ouch! But, it's a good pain.
I sometimes wonder if I'm not exercising to keep the myeloma away. I think I figure that if I pedal a little harder, or go a little further, then I can keep the myeloma away a little longer. Realistically, I don't think that's the case. But, sublimally I think those are the roots of my exercising. It's good though. I enjoy being in shape. And being at 205lbs instead of 248lbs is more in line with my lifestyle. I like it. Hopefully I can just keep the Monte Cristos and Calzones at bay!
Anyway, I hope all is well and everyone is doing fine. Thanks again for everyone's help and support. Love ya's, Lance
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Everyone should have my problem: I can eat anything I want and not gain any weight! Not only don't I gain weight....I actually continue to lose weight. I've had days where I've eaten pancakes and eggs, a hoagie, a steak dinner and ice cream, and a late night snack, and I've still lost weight. OK, it sounds like a good problem to have but I've lost over 50lbs in the past year. I'm now at 195lb and still dropping. I'm not too concerned...yet. Well, it's not that I'm not concerned. I'm just tired of getting things looked at. So, if it continues then I'll do something. But for now, I think things are leveling out.
I was actually more concerned that it was my muscle mass I was losing. I hadnt excercised in over a year. When the catherter was put in I was hesitant to do anything with my arms or upper body. Then, the chemo and radiation zapped any energy I had. Then the killer chemo's and the stomach pain set in. I didnt want to do anything. I was sick and I lived in it. Now, I'm tired of being cooped up. Now, I want to get out. Now, I want to be active. So, every other day, days when I don't have dialysis, I try to do something. I'll golf, I'll play tennis against the wall (the wall wins), or I'll go for a bike ride, and/or I'll go for a walk along the river. I want to push myself to see where I'm at. And, I do.
The other day I went for a bike ride. Mind you I havent done anything in a year. I go out past my town and say I can go further. I go past the next town and say I can go further. It isnt til I remember I gotta come back that I begin to think I've gone too far. And then, nobody warns me that there's hills and a headwind, too. I think it turned out to be 17 miles in total. I guess I found my limits...lol. But, then again, I'm always a person to try to push beyond my limits.
So, I continue to feel better each day. I havent gotten any numbers or counts back yet. I'm half afraid to call the doctor, maybe opting to wait until my next visit on July 19th. I'll probably ask sooner, but there's a fear that the treatments didnt work...and then what.
On another note, it is July 4th. The next town over is Riverton and they've got the oldest continuing 4th of July Parade in NJ. It's usually pretty good with a lot of my friends and their families watching it and participating in it. Riverton is a victorian town with lots of old houses, tree-lined streets, and bunting and flags along the gas-light lit streets. They put on a good old-fashioned 4th of July parade straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting complete with cub scouts, bag pipes, and war veterans marching down Main Street.
But, this year I slept in and missed it. This year it falls on Wednesday. This year I still gotta do dialysis on Wednesdays. So, I didnt go. It's funny. Tuesdays and Thursdays and the weekends I'm up to do anything. But, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I really don't feel like do anything at all. I like to sleep late. I mope on the couch before I go. Dialysis puts such a wet blanket on things. I still have a tough time adjusting to it. I get down. I don't feel like going and it robs my soul when I am there. I still don't feel like I belong there. I look around and I see people a lot older than me. I see people that are little too kooky for my taste. And, I don't want to be there.
But, I guess I gotta be. My brother had blood work done to see if he matched my bone marrow and kidneys. He didnt. So, I'm stuck with what I got. I guess it gotta accept it. They say that Multiple Myeloma is called "Old Man's Disease". So, maybe I gotta accept that this is my "Old Man's" part of things. I still don't got to like it.
The next phase will be having my catherter removed and the dialysis needles stuck into my fistula graft directly into my right bicep. I see others have it done in dialysis and to me they might as well be sticking the needles directly into my heart. Sure, it will free me from my catherter. But, I don't want any of it anymore. It may continue my life. But, it feels like it robs my freedom of my life. We'll see....
For now, I'll continue to do what I gotta do. It's all I know what to do. Put one foot in front of the other and maybe tomorrow will be a bigger and brighter day. Hope (though it can be a four-letter word) is a wonderful thing. Each day I awake and think today might be the day I've been waiting for. We'll see. We'll see.
Thanks again and I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I hope everyone survived their fireworks! Enjoy and love ya's, Lance.
I was actually more concerned that it was my muscle mass I was losing. I hadnt excercised in over a year. When the catherter was put in I was hesitant to do anything with my arms or upper body. Then, the chemo and radiation zapped any energy I had. Then the killer chemo's and the stomach pain set in. I didnt want to do anything. I was sick and I lived in it. Now, I'm tired of being cooped up. Now, I want to get out. Now, I want to be active. So, every other day, days when I don't have dialysis, I try to do something. I'll golf, I'll play tennis against the wall (the wall wins), or I'll go for a bike ride, and/or I'll go for a walk along the river. I want to push myself to see where I'm at. And, I do.
The other day I went for a bike ride. Mind you I havent done anything in a year. I go out past my town and say I can go further. I go past the next town and say I can go further. It isnt til I remember I gotta come back that I begin to think I've gone too far. And then, nobody warns me that there's hills and a headwind, too. I think it turned out to be 17 miles in total. I guess I found my limits...lol. But, then again, I'm always a person to try to push beyond my limits.
So, I continue to feel better each day. I havent gotten any numbers or counts back yet. I'm half afraid to call the doctor, maybe opting to wait until my next visit on July 19th. I'll probably ask sooner, but there's a fear that the treatments didnt work...and then what.
On another note, it is July 4th. The next town over is Riverton and they've got the oldest continuing 4th of July Parade in NJ. It's usually pretty good with a lot of my friends and their families watching it and participating in it. Riverton is a victorian town with lots of old houses, tree-lined streets, and bunting and flags along the gas-light lit streets. They put on a good old-fashioned 4th of July parade straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting complete with cub scouts, bag pipes, and war veterans marching down Main Street.
But, this year I slept in and missed it. This year it falls on Wednesday. This year I still gotta do dialysis on Wednesdays. So, I didnt go. It's funny. Tuesdays and Thursdays and the weekends I'm up to do anything. But, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I really don't feel like do anything at all. I like to sleep late. I mope on the couch before I go. Dialysis puts such a wet blanket on things. I still have a tough time adjusting to it. I get down. I don't feel like going and it robs my soul when I am there. I still don't feel like I belong there. I look around and I see people a lot older than me. I see people that are little too kooky for my taste. And, I don't want to be there.
But, I guess I gotta be. My brother had blood work done to see if he matched my bone marrow and kidneys. He didnt. So, I'm stuck with what I got. I guess it gotta accept it. They say that Multiple Myeloma is called "Old Man's Disease". So, maybe I gotta accept that this is my "Old Man's" part of things. I still don't got to like it.
The next phase will be having my catherter removed and the dialysis needles stuck into my fistula graft directly into my right bicep. I see others have it done in dialysis and to me they might as well be sticking the needles directly into my heart. Sure, it will free me from my catherter. But, I don't want any of it anymore. It may continue my life. But, it feels like it robs my freedom of my life. We'll see....
For now, I'll continue to do what I gotta do. It's all I know what to do. Put one foot in front of the other and maybe tomorrow will be a bigger and brighter day. Hope (though it can be a four-letter word) is a wonderful thing. Each day I awake and think today might be the day I've been waiting for. We'll see. We'll see.
Thanks again and I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I hope everyone survived their fireworks! Enjoy and love ya's, Lance.
