The Myeloma Kid

It's the Bizzarro World!: Everything that I've said, everything that's been planned, and even everything that's been done has been turned upside down or backwards. I had the fistula procedure done a couple of weeks ago. Well, it turns out that it wasnt a success and I'll need another one done. (It was only a simple procedure. What do you expect?) What it actually was suppose to do was to take a blood vein in my wrist and surgically connect the end of it into the artery next to it. This allows for increase blood flow into the adjoining vein which they can they use for dialysis needles with no harm to the existing artery. Well, the fistula connection already clotted and doesnt provide enough (any?) blood flow where needed. The clot supposedly isnt harmful but I will need to have another fistula put in either in my right upper forearm or bicep. For now on all my work is being done at Univ of Penn. I had this work done by area doc's at an area hospital. But, my confidence in anything medical in NJ is not very high. Oh, and remember I said I didnt need the Cytoxan chemotherapy treatment in my last blog??!?! Well, I do and it's scheduled for this coming Tuesday. That's the one where I need the "groin" catherter and will/can make me ill and lose my hair in a week. It turns out that my stem cells are just being a pain in the ass to collect. They don't want to come out and play. So, I guess we gotta use the cytoxan to kick them out!! Seriously, I will go in to the hospital on Monday night. The cytoxan dose is 24hrs. They need to put the catherter in at that time to protect my liver from any damage. Then they start dosing. I'm scheduled to leave the hospital on Wednesday morning. The sooner the better. From there it's back to taking the neupogen shots for a week and then the stem cell collection again. Then on 4/16 I'm scheduled for the actual bone marrow transplant. Please, no more complications!!! I'm getting sick and tired of the complications and other pains that I've been having. It makes it so I can't even do the things I have to do like dialysis, make my appointments and treatments. Part of why I havent written lately is because I've been so down and depressed. The pains in my side and back have really taken the bounce out of my step. Staying on the couch all weekend has been all I've wanted to do (thank god for March Madness). I've been on the verge of breaking down. My trust in god and life is at an all time low. Spiritual I feel alone, if not abandoned. Ive all but given up thinking what lies ahead because whenever I do it changes and usually I'm disheartened. It's been a rough time of late. I can only say that I'm extremely thankful for all my friends and family. I know you guys have been praying and keeping positive thoughts for me. You guys are kind of like my "footprints in the sand". I know, nay...I have faith, that you guys have been carrying me right now. I gotta say that's a reassuring thought knowing I can trust all of you and I don't need to be the positive, outward Lance right now. Boy, I can't wait til this part of the nightmare is behind me. And, hopefully, without too many further complications, it will be. Thanks again to everyone. I love you all, Lance