The Myeloma Kid

Well....Here We Go!: Well, Starting Monday night or Tuesday morning, I will be starting the chemotherapy and stem cell replacement treatments that will have me in the hospital for approx 3 weeks. Yippee!! (he said sarcastically). I will need to do dialysis at my local treatment center and then go to the hospital Monday night or Tuesday morning (I'm of course pushing for Tues since they won't do anything on Monday anyway. Any night away from the hospital is a good night). The schedule will be chemo on Tuesday for 1 hour. It's melphalan and the dose will be 100mg. That's down from the usually 200mg which the doctor said he was lowering to limit the effects due to my kidneys and wanted to keep me alive (I, of which, thanked him for this concern). It's amazing. One hour of dosage will effect me for about 1 entire month. The doctor doesnt expect me to get the "full-on" effects since the dosage is reduced. But, 1) it's me, and 2) it's chemo. You do the math. So, I'm expecting horrible nauseau, further loss of hair (and it was just growing back), fatigue, and possibly the worst of all the mouth sores (I hope not). I'll still do my regular scheduled dialysis M W and F (I'm guessing it will be in room after Wed). And on Thursday my stem cells, which we harvested earlier, will be re-injected. Then, it's watch and wait for at least 2 weeks to see that all goes well. I'm so not looking forward to this. But, at the same time I want it over. The Doctor (Dan Vogl), is positive about everything. My cancer levels again were down from my previous tests. So, they can continue to drop and be encouraging. It's hoped that the Melphalan will send the cancer even further down into the deepest and darkest recesses. As much as I'm afraid of the next coming weeks, I'm also anxious over what happens next. How well will I be? Will dialysis still be in my life? Will I regain at least some of my active life style? How will my life be? How much and what type of work will there be? Will I be able to afford my car, my home, my life? Will insurance still be available? Yikes!! I've let all of this "future" stuff creep into my brain and it's begun to fester. It hasn't made for a positive pass week or so. And, then couple that with the fact that I had to do my wills....yes...a couple of dark moments. All that being said, I don't know what's going to happen. The treatment is straight-forward but has it's risks. And, not having fully functioning kidneys increases thoses risks. So, I am concerned. But, what will be will be. I will do my best to keep on doing my best. That's all I can do. Though, Sometimes I must admit that I think it would be just easier if it was all over. I'm in pain now. The phantom pain is now "only" frequent severe abdominal pain and cramps. The fu**ed-up fistula and the new fistula (that apparently is maturing well) has caused numbness in my right arm. I've lost about 40lbs. My right leg is still numb from the heart surgery and my arms can still have neurapathy from the initial onset of the myeloma. And the pain and discomfort will probably only continue over time in one form or another. That's what myeloma does. And, I get afraid of what the "end" will be like given what I've heard. But, again....all that said, there's something not-so deep inside of me that wants me to keep moving forward. I want to keep on living to see what this life has to offer. I still think life is wonderful and that there's something around the corner for me if I don't give up. I'm a fool I guess in that way. But, sometimes it's better to be naive' then jaded. It keeps things fresh and it still allows life to be magical and full of surprises. So, I will continue to hold out for the magic. Ok, now for some practical info....Please call if you want while I'm in the hospital. I will return all calls if I am capable. Please email me or post on the blog. I will try to respond, but I think my electronic capabilities will be limited. All snail-mail will be forwarded to me. Please come and visit if you'd like. I will be at the Univ of Pennsylvania Hospital at 3400 Spruce St in Phila, Pa, 19104; probably on the 7th Floor of the Rhoads Building. Visiting hours are flexible to meet the patient's (moi's) needs. I don't think I'll be quarantined. If anything, visitors and myself will need to wear surgical masks (it may be an improvement for some of us..;-) and sit on either side of the room for a while. No fresh flowers. People are asked to refrain from bringing younger children (especially if they havent had chicken pox); not to come if they are sick; and adults who have been exposed to chicken pox within the past 25 days shouldnt come either. Other than that, it's pretty straight-forward. It's gonna be a rough 3 weeks. But, after that, hopefully I can get some assemblance of a life back. I hope to see and/or hear from you all shortly. Take care and much love, Lance