The Myeloma Kid

I've lost my faith in Doctors, Hospitals, People, and God; Today was fucking great. Everything is going according to plan. My 'counts' continue to lower. I'm getting sporadic low-grade fevers. All the things that are suppose to happen. And in reality I feel really good with everything going on. "So, Lance, why the loss of faith?" "Why the fucking sarcasm?" Well...I go get a routine chest xray to look for possible infections. They do the xray, run blood cultures, and are giving me antibiotics to prevent/limit infections. So, I get back from the xray and my nurse tells me they found something on the xray. I immediately think cancer. And, she hems and haws to the point that I'm convinced my lungs are filled with liesons. The Doctor comes into the room and he's not much better but it's not cancer. IT is a COLLAPSED LUNG courtesy of the Univ of Pennsylania's Internal Radiation Department. They are the ones that punctured my lung when they installed the new catherter on 5/24 to be used for the stem cell transplant, blood work and iv's. So, I'm told that I need to immediately go on oxygen and get a surgery (tonight!!) to install a chest tube so they can inflate my right lung. I'm not happy. During the conversation with the Doctor, he tells me that a common phrase in the IR Dept is, "If you havent collapsed a lung then you havent done enough catherter surgeries." On this statement I dismiss the nurses and doctor's before I start throwing things. Time ticks by and I slowly cool off (time and me hitting my pain med buttons). The nurse comes back in and apparently they've reconsidered their approach and that I don't need the chest tube ("at least for now",...that's the statement I filled in). See, my fears about surgery is that my counts are at their all time low. Surgery increases the chances of infection. I'm a walking plague of complications. So, their surgery would probably kill me. This is what they thought too. In addition, the catherter was installed on May 24th. So, I've been walking around with this problem for +/-10days. And, I havent felt bad from it. One wonders how the doctor's and nurses who listen to my lungs 3x a day didnt find the problem. So, because of those factors they will let me use oxygen in hopes it redevelops the lung. (again, my input..."then surgery"). I'm so sick and tired of complications and outright mistakes. My prayers have been simple; "Keep me healthy, safe and no complications". Seriously...that's my daily prayer. That's all I've asked god for during this. And he/she/it can't even keep this end of the bargain. Then as a topper, Becky and I started a puzzle in the family center last night. We had all the edges done and more. We had all the pieces separated into piles according to color (my anal-retentive idea...it would make it faster to put the puzzle together). We even put on a board so it could be moved from the table and when we left, we put a note on it "for people to enjoy or if it need to be moved to please see Room 7006." After, the news of the collapsed lung, we just want to be distracted by doing the puzzle. But, we can't. Someone, or someone has let someone, destroy the puzzle. They took apart the puzzle, they mixed all the separated pieces back together and on the floor, and then conveniently replaced our note back on top of the pile of puzzle pieces. I can assume who and what happened. But, that might not be fair. Regardless, it seems that too many people no longer know what the meaning of respect is all about. People either tore apart the puzzle or let their children tear it apart. Maybe we were naive and wrong to leave the puzzle out. Maybe I was the one taking up space in the family center (though it seems empty enough on most days). Maybe I'm being too tough. But, I would think, as person, or as a parent, you are taught to mind what's yours. Or if not, at least notify Room 7006 of the incident. So, now I get to go back to my Room 7006, not build my puzzle, wear an oxygen mask and wonder where I should now place my faith. My doctor's have left me down. It feels like my god has let me down. And now people and their lack of respect have stolen what little bit of relaxation I had in this place. Take care and I'll keep you posted. Lance