The Myeloma Kid

A slow week...thank god!: Not too much happened this week. I'm finally getting the break that I was looking forward to when I left the hospital after my bypass surgery. It has afforded me the chance to catch up with some friends and also do lunch with friends from my office and work. It was nice. Last time I went was 3 or 4 months ago. And, I left with bittersweet feelings. This time I felt a little more positive. Like, I really missed being part of the gang and the office environment (scary to say). But, being sick and somewhat isolated in my daily activities, I've lost perspective of what life is like on the "outside". I've been in a rut of my medical routines. Which is fine to concentrate on what I need to do. But, I've had the feeling like I have nothing much to talk about "other" than my illnesses. And that get's old. So, hanging out with my friends from work gave me a lil taste of what life can be again. So, I'm gonna try to keep that as a goal to work towards. Another interesting thing happened this week (well, I found it interesting). I had a follow up appointment with my cardiac surgeon. I waited an hour and a half for 2 mins for him to say, "You look ok". (N0w give me your $30 copay). I literally tried to stall him with questions just to get my time and money's worth. Anyway...I digress. So, I'm filling out all the paperwork before I see him and the question comes up, "How would you rate your health; Very Good, Good, Fair, Needs Improvement, or Poor". I have cancer, kidney failure, and I've just had a heart bypass. And, without hesitation I quickly checked "Good". Isn't denial great!?! Seriously, in many ways it reflects how I feel.. I mean, I really don't feel sick. I'm fortunate that I don't feel ill from the cancer or the treatments. Dialysis is more of a pain in the ass then it is painful, and the bypass was about getting a clot out and it was just a one time thing. I don't feel sick and thankfully, except for a few instances, I've never felt sick. People have had to tell me I'm sick. Otherwise, I'd never know. And, I think that's what keeps me going. I don't let cancer or anything else get a hold of me. I try not to give it any place to stick it's heels into me. Is it denial? Maybe. Or is it I'd rather focus on other things which is probably more like it. I don't know. But, it is a clearer mindset for me. On a final diatribe note, I found out that many people are praying for me. I even found out that a friend of a friend's child includes me in her prayers each night....wow....can I just say wow. I can't think about that without getting a lil choked up. It's incredibly touching to think that. And for a while I've been feeling guilty because I've lost a lot of faith during all of this. I sometimes feel that I may not get by because of the faith I lost. Then, I realize that I have all of you. That friends are there to help me get through the rough times. So, I may not have the faith and I may not be saying all the prayers I use to. But, you all are; and you are carrying me when I sometimes have a hard time walking myself. That has been giving me the solace I need during some of my moments of despair. So, thanks from the bottom of my heart. Take care everyone. I thank and love you all. Lance

Insult to Injury: Last week I was nailed with a stomach virus and a sinus infection. Geez Louise!! I had a week to catch up on things and...Wham! Seriously, it lasted all week. And, I didnt ever think I was gonna have an appetite again. It started mostly with the sinus infection early in the week and then Wednesday afternoon my stomach didnt feel very good. Then, it wasnt until Sunday that I finally left the house (other than dialysis). The worst part was that my legs wouldnt stop churning. Each night I'd go to bed exhausted. And each night my legs would start churning. I couldnt even sleep to fight off this thing. And the funny thing was that my dreams would be about walking (mostly trying to find my car that I mysteriously couldnt find). And, let me tell ya...now that winter is finally here, I felt ever single chill. Losing 20-ish pounds has limited what insulation against the cold that I did have. I can seriously see me in warmer climates if this keeps up. Other than that, all is well. Not much to report since I spent the last week on the couch. This week I need to make up some appointments that I missed because I was sick and I will probably figure out my bone marrow transplant schedule soon. Other than that, all is copesetic. I hope all is well with everyone. Take care and much love, Lance

OK...So The Eagles Lost: So now what do I do??? Call me crazy. But, I was settling for the Eagles in the Super Bowl as my miracle. Hell, that would've made me happy. It was destiny, I tell ya. But, alas....per chance to dream yet for another year! So, I now must continue on. I continue on with my doctor's appts. I continue on with my xrays, echocardiograms, and other treatments. I continue on with my little aches and (and sometimes big) pains. I continue on with my "metabolic twitches". I continue moving forward towards my bone marrow replacement which will probably be a February-ish timeframe. Medically speaking I found out this week that the nerve pain in my leg should dissipate over time...some time by summer I'm told...in the mean time they gave me lots of happy pills to cover the pain. Which, I negated to take...I'm sick and tired of more scripts. Secondly, I went to my cardiologist which I found out could be called Dr Grope cause he, I think, had alterior motives and liked to touch me just a lil' too much...whoa that a lil too unconfortable (or maybe not....hmmm or was I just curious). It is somewhat funny (in an ironic sort of way) as I look back on everything and where I've been. And, not physically. I remember I was going to be this great cook and learn all there was to learn. Friends and family gave me books and subscriptions to magazines like bon Appetit. When I wouldnt be cooking, I would be painting. I bought a french easel and all these canvases and supplies. I painted one still life and one "blob". I was gonna read all these great mind-expanding books. I've gotten half-way through one book on the rise of civilization; the past 13,000 years. It's not as dull as one would think, Then, after watching too much Jim Cramer on CNBC at 2am, I was going to learn about stock investing and become this magnant of Wall Street. While not trading (or whilest I traded), I was gonna to do this great excercise routine and continue to be, "The Healthiest Cancer Patient in the Land"! But, after being hospitalized for one thing or another. Or having to do one test or another...some how time just slipped by and I had no time to do any of my grandious plans. I guess it is also the phases of acceptance of this whole damn thing. That maybe it's my time to be sick and recover. Oh yes, I can do things when I can. I cook myself nice meals (I make a mean mango salsa). I'll paint that still life of fake flowers. I'll try to catch a show in NYC. But, it wont be at the expense of getting better I guess. Taking naps has this wonderful intoxicating power. It can be decadent too. I can wake up from bed to go down stairs to take a nap....it's a beautiful thing I tell ya...lol. And, I think I'm entering a new phase now. A phase where I look forward for a reward. We'll see. But, if you see some guy in a convertible looking like he's dreaming of an exotic island, with a plasma TV stuck in the back seat...well that would be me! Thanks again for everyone. Thanks again for everyone's support and more. You guys are great. Take care and much love, Lance

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!: Let me tell you how cool it is that the Philadelphia Eagles continue to win. It's a miracle actually. But, it's one that I get to enjoy and savor. With apologies to all my Eagle-hating friends. What's more important is that I get to spend each game with good friends and their families. It's a time where I can forget about everything and scream and hollar until I'm horse. It's a time where I can play with their children and just be "Uncle Spike". It's a time where I can just do goofy things and be looked at as, "that's just Lance being Lance." It's really a good time. Medically speaking, everything is status quo. I'm off any major treatments or surgeries for at least January (barring anything unforseen...I need to include that caveate'...lol). Though, I have a few trips to a couple of specialists: a neurologist on 1/10, a cardiologist on 1/11, xrays on 1/16, a vascular surgeon on 1/17, the oncologist on 1/18, and the cardiac surgeon on 1/23. And, I have my regularly scheduled dialysis on M W and Fs. So, I've got a little break...LOL. My major concern I guess is my leg and the shakes I have in my hands. My leg still "burns" as a result of possible nerve damage from the surgery (hence my neurologist appointment). And, the shakes in my hand I have no clue. I'm hoping it's from medication. So, I will bring that up with the neurologist on 1/10. We'll see. But, I'm back to driving and many restrictions have been lifted since surgery. I feel pretty damn good actually. Though, being able to drive is somewhat bittersweet I am finding out. When I could'nt drive, my brother and his family or good friends would drive me to and from my appointments. It was a time where I could spend with them and get caught up with things. It was a time where it just wasn't "just me" in the car. It was good to be with them. Its those small moments that mattered. Even if we didnt say much. So, I may give them a call and ask if it's cool to get a ride from time to time. I would like that. Take care everyone. And thank you again for all your positive thoughts, prayers, well wishes, tidings, etc. I don't think I could be here doing what I am doing without each and everyone one of you. Much Love, Lance

Happy New Year!!!: Boy It had better be huh??!! My Horrorscope says for me to be ready for a year of luck and that even the next 11 years will be filled with luck (based upon some celestial movements or sumptin'). So, I'm hoping that when they say luck they mean "good" luck! What are my resolutions going to be? Hmmm? I'm hoping to get in touch with my higher power (since he's long lost). I hope to be a better son to my parents; a better brother to my brother and his family; and be a better friend to my friends. (PS: I also want to curse less and write neater...I'm sure these won't F-ing last long). I hope to extend the same well wishes to people I meet on the way as you've bestowed upon me. Thank you and I wish you and everyone a Safe, Healthy, and a Happy New Year. Medical Recap: Remember from my last blog and the numbness in my leg? Well, it's no longer numb. It now hurts like hell. Of course...right. Every time my pants or whatever even slightly brushes it, it feels like someone is pouring acid on my leg. Apparently its nerve damage, probably caused during my heart bypass surgery (the anastesia went into my femeral artery in my leg). I also have a similar sensation on my chest. But, it's not as debilitating.. I mean at the end of the day it just becomes too painful to do much. It can take so much out of me. And the solution? More meds! I'm tired of taking more pills. I'm tired of more of anything!! I just want to go through what I gotta go through. But, no. It's one complication after another. It's truly wearing me out. I'm starting to feel like that sickly little kid. Yet, I know I'm not. So, my doctor is tracking down a neurologist and I maybe reaching out to a lawyer. I don't want to. But, I can't afford to live like this if I don't have to. People want me to keep having a positive attitude. And I tell you it's getting tought to keep it. I feel too often like I'm being beaten down. Everytime I turn around or talk with a doctor it feels like there's another severe health issue I need to deal with before I can even deal with what I need to! Just let me do what I gotta do, ok!! (And, I'm not sure I want to do that). Ok...I vented. As far as the bone marrow transplants go; we've postponed them until probably February to let me recover from the heart bypass. In the meantime, I still need to get my fistula implanted; meet with a cardiologist; and follow up with my surgeon. Well....I thought January would be slow. LOL. That's OK. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I had down time. Love ya all and I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.