Wednesday, August 08, 2007
I am Grateful For.....: Well, it's been a little over a year since I've been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma and have lived with Kidney Failure. During that time it's been hard to see any positives. Or, admit them anyway. I've kept an eye on the good things that were happening all around me but, I was too angry, too confused, and too busy to acknowledge them. It has taken awhile. And, I by no means totally "there". Nor, do I think I'll ever be totally there. Being pissed off and angry at the disease got me this far. So, I think there's something to be said for that. Anyway, now I've had a chance to reflect on things a little bit and the following are some of the gifts, miracles, and positives that have come out of this so far. They are in no particular order.
1. I've found out how many near and dear friends and family that I have. Without their well wishes, help, support and prayers I don't think I would be where I am at today.
2. I have been blessed to be cared for by some incredible doctors, nurses, health care professionals, etc. And, I'm lucky for the advancements in medicine to date. One example; the bone marrow transplants use to be done via 100's of tiny surgeries through the bone. Now it's done only using an IV drip. They now know that the marrow will automatically migrate to the bone.
3. I'm lucky that my condition was detected relatively early with little to no onset of "major" issues. Many people with Myeloma are first diagnosed when they have severe back pain caused by the growth of liesons on the spine. So far, I have a couple of smaller leisons on my biceps and one in my femur which were treated using radiation.
4. I'm still able to active. There's much I can still do. I can't run anymore. But, now I'm biking. And I'm still playing golf and tennis.
5. I'm still able to be mobile and care for myself. Many people in the dialysis unit need transportation and people to help care for them. I'm fortunate where I can still take care of these things.
6. I only take 6 medications now. At one time I was taking 15-18 different pills a day. I'm now only taking 4 pills for hypertension, 1 for blood thinning, and 1 vitamin.
7. I'm fortunate that a routine echocardiogram detected the blood clot which required the open heart surgery in December. Without that detection I more than likely would've had a stroke, an embalysm, and/or died.
8. My effects from the chemo - all three types - were minimal. The initial Velcade can effect nerves and cause neuropathy (deadening of the nerves on the skin). I only had temporary effects. The latter more severe chemo's made me sick "only" for a "short" time.
9. People at work and my company continued to support me. I'm planning to return to work in a couple of weeks. When I first went down ill I thought I'd be physically and financially ruined. Work, insurance, and Social Security ensured that I remained covered. It was the last thing I needed to think about. It was reassurance I needed at a crazy time.
10. As of now, my diet is "normal". Which means I don't have to limit myself to a renal-only diet. My dietary numbers are all within range. Meaning, earlier on, I had to eliminate foods primarily containing potassium, phosphorus, and sodium. That includes milk, potatoes, tomatoes, brocoli sodas, chips, etc etc etc. There was a lot to cut out. And, I had to take a phosphate binder pill with every meal. I still limit my sodium. But, I've been eating my Jersey Tomatoes!
11. When I go back to work I'll be starting part time. The relief of being able to integrate back in slowly is so welcomed. I like to jump into things with both feet. And sometimes I find that I've jumped into the deep end. This will force me get back into the groove at a decent pace. I think I can handle everything. But, something tells me there will be more to it than I think.
12. This is a little personal but....I'm able to pee (wee!). Many people with kidney failure can't urinate. Most have to limit how much liquids they consume or else their legs swell and water is retained around the heart and lungs (not good). Though, I am mindful of how much I drink. As of now, I'm not really that concerned.
13. I have an appetite and I can eat anything I want. Wow...Remember when I had the phantom abdominal pains??!! I was in so much pain I couldnt eat anything. Nor did I want to. And to top it off, I was on so much pain meds that I was dizzy. It was all I could do. That's a place I don't want to return to.
14. I have a better understanding of myself and what I am capable of doing. If you told me I could've gone through what I've gone through....and come out feeling the way I do....I'd tell you that you were crazy. In addition, I'm more relaxed. I've got a better understanding of what's important. Not necessary the "big picture". But, when I start getting stressed over something in my daily life I ask myself how important is it. Well, I now have a good measuring stick. I've used it alot.
I'm sure there's more. And there will be more to come. But, I'm just happy to be where I'm at right now. I've been through a lot and I'm looking forward to moving on and getting on with my life. And that doesnt mean putting my illness behind me. It really means learning to live with both the Myeloma and the kidney failure. Understanding it and coping with the daily ups and downs. Doing the treatments and care when it's needed but, not letting it keep me from my goals.
I've actually found that I can use it for motivation. Where before I may have been afraid or hesitant, I now find myself doing things more immediately. I find that I'm more confident. And, I'm more complete as a person. I wish I had gained these attributes in another way. But, I can't change it. This is my life. And, I'm going to live it.
Thanks again for everything. You'all are wonderful. Love ya, Lance
1. I've found out how many near and dear friends and family that I have. Without their well wishes, help, support and prayers I don't think I would be where I am at today.
2. I have been blessed to be cared for by some incredible doctors, nurses, health care professionals, etc. And, I'm lucky for the advancements in medicine to date. One example; the bone marrow transplants use to be done via 100's of tiny surgeries through the bone. Now it's done only using an IV drip. They now know that the marrow will automatically migrate to the bone.
3. I'm lucky that my condition was detected relatively early with little to no onset of "major" issues. Many people with Myeloma are first diagnosed when they have severe back pain caused by the growth of liesons on the spine. So far, I have a couple of smaller leisons on my biceps and one in my femur which were treated using radiation.
4. I'm still able to active. There's much I can still do. I can't run anymore. But, now I'm biking. And I'm still playing golf and tennis.
5. I'm still able to be mobile and care for myself. Many people in the dialysis unit need transportation and people to help care for them. I'm fortunate where I can still take care of these things.
6. I only take 6 medications now. At one time I was taking 15-18 different pills a day. I'm now only taking 4 pills for hypertension, 1 for blood thinning, and 1 vitamin.
7. I'm fortunate that a routine echocardiogram detected the blood clot which required the open heart surgery in December. Without that detection I more than likely would've had a stroke, an embalysm, and/or died.
8. My effects from the chemo - all three types - were minimal. The initial Velcade can effect nerves and cause neuropathy (deadening of the nerves on the skin). I only had temporary effects. The latter more severe chemo's made me sick "only" for a "short" time.
9. People at work and my company continued to support me. I'm planning to return to work in a couple of weeks. When I first went down ill I thought I'd be physically and financially ruined. Work, insurance, and Social Security ensured that I remained covered. It was the last thing I needed to think about. It was reassurance I needed at a crazy time.
10. As of now, my diet is "normal". Which means I don't have to limit myself to a renal-only diet. My dietary numbers are all within range. Meaning, earlier on, I had to eliminate foods primarily containing potassium, phosphorus, and sodium. That includes milk, potatoes, tomatoes, brocoli sodas, chips, etc etc etc. There was a lot to cut out. And, I had to take a phosphate binder pill with every meal. I still limit my sodium. But, I've been eating my Jersey Tomatoes!
11. When I go back to work I'll be starting part time. The relief of being able to integrate back in slowly is so welcomed. I like to jump into things with both feet. And sometimes I find that I've jumped into the deep end. This will force me get back into the groove at a decent pace. I think I can handle everything. But, something tells me there will be more to it than I think.
12. This is a little personal but....I'm able to pee (wee!). Many people with kidney failure can't urinate. Most have to limit how much liquids they consume or else their legs swell and water is retained around the heart and lungs (not good). Though, I am mindful of how much I drink. As of now, I'm not really that concerned.
13. I have an appetite and I can eat anything I want. Wow...Remember when I had the phantom abdominal pains??!! I was in so much pain I couldnt eat anything. Nor did I want to. And to top it off, I was on so much pain meds that I was dizzy. It was all I could do. That's a place I don't want to return to.
14. I have a better understanding of myself and what I am capable of doing. If you told me I could've gone through what I've gone through....and come out feeling the way I do....I'd tell you that you were crazy. In addition, I'm more relaxed. I've got a better understanding of what's important. Not necessary the "big picture". But, when I start getting stressed over something in my daily life I ask myself how important is it. Well, I now have a good measuring stick. I've used it alot.
I'm sure there's more. And there will be more to come. But, I'm just happy to be where I'm at right now. I've been through a lot and I'm looking forward to moving on and getting on with my life. And that doesnt mean putting my illness behind me. It really means learning to live with both the Myeloma and the kidney failure. Understanding it and coping with the daily ups and downs. Doing the treatments and care when it's needed but, not letting it keep me from my goals.
I've actually found that I can use it for motivation. Where before I may have been afraid or hesitant, I now find myself doing things more immediately. I find that I'm more confident. And, I'm more complete as a person. I wish I had gained these attributes in another way. But, I can't change it. This is my life. And, I'm going to live it.
Thanks again for everything. You'all are wonderful. Love ya, Lance
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Now Accepting "Sugar Mama" Applications: Qualified "Boy Toy" seeks "Sugar Mama". I think I've been domesticated. I can cook and clean. I'm fairly handy around the house and I think I'm well qualified in 'other' areas of life. So, if your interested, please submit your qualifications and my people will be in touch with your people.
Ok...so I'm getting ready to go back to work starting Monday 8/27. It'll be nice to contribute again. But, it will be part time. And luckily my Social Security benefits will still cover me for the first 9 months of employment. So, I need not worry for a while. But, after that....who knows. Hence, the Sugar Mama request...LOL. I guess I don't have to think about it for 9 more months. But, things do weigh on the mind. Nine months is a long way off. So, a lot can change between now and then. But if your interested.....
Healthwise everything is going well. My biggest issue of late is getting stuck for dialysis. As you know, I've been using a catherter for the past year for dialysis. Well, starting last Monday, they started sticking my fistula with a needle. Soon it will be two needles. And soon I'll be ridding myself of my catherter. The first needle stick wasnt as bad as I though it would be. So, hopefully it will continue not being bad.
It's amazing! The milestones continue to come and go lately. It's been over a year since problems started happening: suspicious blood work on 7/9/06; potential Myeloma diagnosis and kidney biopsy on 7/19/06; Dialysis starting on 7/27/06; Bone Marrow Biopsy on 8/9/06 and Mylemo confirmation on 8/15/06. And, I began the myeloma treatment on 9/1/06 at Univ of Penn. I don't need a calendar. I can remember every date a year ago when the doctor was telling me something new and something different. It's hard to beleive it's been a year. It seems like yesterday and it seems like forever all in the same breath.
I don't think of things anymore for the most part. Life is what life is. I just go about doing what I gotta do and want to do at this time. It's been pretty good of late. Take care and I hope everyone is enjoying their summers. Hope to talk to you all soon. Love ya's, Lance.
Ok...so I'm getting ready to go back to work starting Monday 8/27. It'll be nice to contribute again. But, it will be part time. And luckily my Social Security benefits will still cover me for the first 9 months of employment. So, I need not worry for a while. But, after that....who knows. Hence, the Sugar Mama request...LOL. I guess I don't have to think about it for 9 more months. But, things do weigh on the mind. Nine months is a long way off. So, a lot can change between now and then. But if your interested.....
Healthwise everything is going well. My biggest issue of late is getting stuck for dialysis. As you know, I've been using a catherter for the past year for dialysis. Well, starting last Monday, they started sticking my fistula with a needle. Soon it will be two needles. And soon I'll be ridding myself of my catherter. The first needle stick wasnt as bad as I though it would be. So, hopefully it will continue not being bad.
It's amazing! The milestones continue to come and go lately. It's been over a year since problems started happening: suspicious blood work on 7/9/06; potential Myeloma diagnosis and kidney biopsy on 7/19/06; Dialysis starting on 7/27/06; Bone Marrow Biopsy on 8/9/06 and Mylemo confirmation on 8/15/06. And, I began the myeloma treatment on 9/1/06 at Univ of Penn. I don't need a calendar. I can remember every date a year ago when the doctor was telling me something new and something different. It's hard to beleive it's been a year. It seems like yesterday and it seems like forever all in the same breath.
I don't think of things anymore for the most part. Life is what life is. I just go about doing what I gotta do and want to do at this time. It's been pretty good of late. Take care and I hope everyone is enjoying their summers. Hope to talk to you all soon. Love ya's, Lance.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
It's Been a Couple of Weeks: But, I wanted to wait until I had something to say. I just got back from my oncologist and he gave me the run down from the stem cell transplant and my last round of chemo. According to the Doc, everything looks good. He's very satisfied with my current health, how I look, and all the numerical data. If you remember, when I first was diagnosed (a year ago today) my myeloma count was 1,200. As of today, my counts were at 10. Normal values range between 1 and 2. So....I'm doing pretty good. The Doc was encouraged and said that he thinks I should be good for "a while". Who's to say what a "while" is. But, I'm holding out for a few years before I gotta go through anything like this again. Besides, the Doctor indicated that should the levels start to increase in a few years then it's quite possible to simply treat the myeloma again with chemo doses of Velcade and steroids. I survived those treatments relatively well early on. So, if comes to that again, I'm hopeful that all will be well.
So, what does this mean? Well, for one thing it means that I will soon return to work. The Doctor gave me clearance to start again on Monday August 27th on a part time basis. I've continued to stay in touch with my company and so far they've been more than accomodating. Words cant describe how grateful I am for all their help and support. Come August I will need to rearrange my dialysis schedule to Tue, Thurs, and Sat so I can at least work on Mon, Wed and Fri. And, whatever other time I can afford on the remaining days. I will do whatever I can do.
I'm both excited and anxious to start work again. Don't get me wrong, I want to work and contribute again. But, let me tell you this last month not working or doing much else has been nice. Yes, I've still got dialysis. But, the other days off are nice. A person can get used to this....that's why I gotta get back to work. Besides, Social Security doesnt pay that well. I'm also a little nervous about going back to work, too. I mean, it's been a year and I don't know what I've missed or what I can contribute. I'm not even sure if I remember how to complete a timesheet. I feel as if I'll be a third-wheel in a sense. Part of my unsettleness at work has always been that I like to make a contribution. If I don't feel like I'm contributing, I don't feel useful. So I hope I can make a difference where ever I can.
It also means that I've been as active as I can be. I've been riding my new bicycle 12-15 miles at a time; I've been playing tennis; I've been golfing; and I've been going for long walks along the river (sounds like a Match.com profile...lol). Seriously, I've had some more time to myself now that the myeloma-related appointments are reduced to once a month. So, it's been good to get out and about. I'll tell you that I've forgotten how sore excerise can make me. It may not be the myeloma. It might not be that I havent exercised in a year. It might be that I'm 41! oh...ah....ouch! But, it's a good pain.
I sometimes wonder if I'm not exercising to keep the myeloma away. I think I figure that if I pedal a little harder, or go a little further, then I can keep the myeloma away a little longer. Realistically, I don't think that's the case. But, sublimally I think those are the roots of my exercising. It's good though. I enjoy being in shape. And being at 205lbs instead of 248lbs is more in line with my lifestyle. I like it. Hopefully I can just keep the Monte Cristos and Calzones at bay!
Anyway, I hope all is well and everyone is doing fine. Thanks again for everyone's help and support. Love ya's, Lance
So, what does this mean? Well, for one thing it means that I will soon return to work. The Doctor gave me clearance to start again on Monday August 27th on a part time basis. I've continued to stay in touch with my company and so far they've been more than accomodating. Words cant describe how grateful I am for all their help and support. Come August I will need to rearrange my dialysis schedule to Tue, Thurs, and Sat so I can at least work on Mon, Wed and Fri. And, whatever other time I can afford on the remaining days. I will do whatever I can do.
I'm both excited and anxious to start work again. Don't get me wrong, I want to work and contribute again. But, let me tell you this last month not working or doing much else has been nice. Yes, I've still got dialysis. But, the other days off are nice. A person can get used to this....that's why I gotta get back to work. Besides, Social Security doesnt pay that well. I'm also a little nervous about going back to work, too. I mean, it's been a year and I don't know what I've missed or what I can contribute. I'm not even sure if I remember how to complete a timesheet. I feel as if I'll be a third-wheel in a sense. Part of my unsettleness at work has always been that I like to make a contribution. If I don't feel like I'm contributing, I don't feel useful. So I hope I can make a difference where ever I can.
It also means that I've been as active as I can be. I've been riding my new bicycle 12-15 miles at a time; I've been playing tennis; I've been golfing; and I've been going for long walks along the river (sounds like a Match.com profile...lol). Seriously, I've had some more time to myself now that the myeloma-related appointments are reduced to once a month. So, it's been good to get out and about. I'll tell you that I've forgotten how sore excerise can make me. It may not be the myeloma. It might not be that I havent exercised in a year. It might be that I'm 41! oh...ah....ouch! But, it's a good pain.
I sometimes wonder if I'm not exercising to keep the myeloma away. I think I figure that if I pedal a little harder, or go a little further, then I can keep the myeloma away a little longer. Realistically, I don't think that's the case. But, sublimally I think those are the roots of my exercising. It's good though. I enjoy being in shape. And being at 205lbs instead of 248lbs is more in line with my lifestyle. I like it. Hopefully I can just keep the Monte Cristos and Calzones at bay!
Anyway, I hope all is well and everyone is doing fine. Thanks again for everyone's help and support. Love ya's, Lance
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Everyone should have my problem: I can eat anything I want and not gain any weight! Not only don't I gain weight....I actually continue to lose weight. I've had days where I've eaten pancakes and eggs, a hoagie, a steak dinner and ice cream, and a late night snack, and I've still lost weight. OK, it sounds like a good problem to have but I've lost over 50lbs in the past year. I'm now at 195lb and still dropping. I'm not too concerned...yet. Well, it's not that I'm not concerned. I'm just tired of getting things looked at. So, if it continues then I'll do something. But for now, I think things are leveling out.
I was actually more concerned that it was my muscle mass I was losing. I hadnt excercised in over a year. When the catherter was put in I was hesitant to do anything with my arms or upper body. Then, the chemo and radiation zapped any energy I had. Then the killer chemo's and the stomach pain set in. I didnt want to do anything. I was sick and I lived in it. Now, I'm tired of being cooped up. Now, I want to get out. Now, I want to be active. So, every other day, days when I don't have dialysis, I try to do something. I'll golf, I'll play tennis against the wall (the wall wins), or I'll go for a bike ride, and/or I'll go for a walk along the river. I want to push myself to see where I'm at. And, I do.
The other day I went for a bike ride. Mind you I havent done anything in a year. I go out past my town and say I can go further. I go past the next town and say I can go further. It isnt til I remember I gotta come back that I begin to think I've gone too far. And then, nobody warns me that there's hills and a headwind, too. I think it turned out to be 17 miles in total. I guess I found my limits...lol. But, then again, I'm always a person to try to push beyond my limits.
So, I continue to feel better each day. I havent gotten any numbers or counts back yet. I'm half afraid to call the doctor, maybe opting to wait until my next visit on July 19th. I'll probably ask sooner, but there's a fear that the treatments didnt work...and then what.
On another note, it is July 4th. The next town over is Riverton and they've got the oldest continuing 4th of July Parade in NJ. It's usually pretty good with a lot of my friends and their families watching it and participating in it. Riverton is a victorian town with lots of old houses, tree-lined streets, and bunting and flags along the gas-light lit streets. They put on a good old-fashioned 4th of July parade straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting complete with cub scouts, bag pipes, and war veterans marching down Main Street.
But, this year I slept in and missed it. This year it falls on Wednesday. This year I still gotta do dialysis on Wednesdays. So, I didnt go. It's funny. Tuesdays and Thursdays and the weekends I'm up to do anything. But, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I really don't feel like do anything at all. I like to sleep late. I mope on the couch before I go. Dialysis puts such a wet blanket on things. I still have a tough time adjusting to it. I get down. I don't feel like going and it robs my soul when I am there. I still don't feel like I belong there. I look around and I see people a lot older than me. I see people that are little too kooky for my taste. And, I don't want to be there.
But, I guess I gotta be. My brother had blood work done to see if he matched my bone marrow and kidneys. He didnt. So, I'm stuck with what I got. I guess it gotta accept it. They say that Multiple Myeloma is called "Old Man's Disease". So, maybe I gotta accept that this is my "Old Man's" part of things. I still don't got to like it.
The next phase will be having my catherter removed and the dialysis needles stuck into my fistula graft directly into my right bicep. I see others have it done in dialysis and to me they might as well be sticking the needles directly into my heart. Sure, it will free me from my catherter. But, I don't want any of it anymore. It may continue my life. But, it feels like it robs my freedom of my life. We'll see....
For now, I'll continue to do what I gotta do. It's all I know what to do. Put one foot in front of the other and maybe tomorrow will be a bigger and brighter day. Hope (though it can be a four-letter word) is a wonderful thing. Each day I awake and think today might be the day I've been waiting for. We'll see. We'll see.
Thanks again and I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I hope everyone survived their fireworks! Enjoy and love ya's, Lance.
I was actually more concerned that it was my muscle mass I was losing. I hadnt excercised in over a year. When the catherter was put in I was hesitant to do anything with my arms or upper body. Then, the chemo and radiation zapped any energy I had. Then the killer chemo's and the stomach pain set in. I didnt want to do anything. I was sick and I lived in it. Now, I'm tired of being cooped up. Now, I want to get out. Now, I want to be active. So, every other day, days when I don't have dialysis, I try to do something. I'll golf, I'll play tennis against the wall (the wall wins), or I'll go for a bike ride, and/or I'll go for a walk along the river. I want to push myself to see where I'm at. And, I do.
The other day I went for a bike ride. Mind you I havent done anything in a year. I go out past my town and say I can go further. I go past the next town and say I can go further. It isnt til I remember I gotta come back that I begin to think I've gone too far. And then, nobody warns me that there's hills and a headwind, too. I think it turned out to be 17 miles in total. I guess I found my limits...lol. But, then again, I'm always a person to try to push beyond my limits.
So, I continue to feel better each day. I havent gotten any numbers or counts back yet. I'm half afraid to call the doctor, maybe opting to wait until my next visit on July 19th. I'll probably ask sooner, but there's a fear that the treatments didnt work...and then what.
On another note, it is July 4th. The next town over is Riverton and they've got the oldest continuing 4th of July Parade in NJ. It's usually pretty good with a lot of my friends and their families watching it and participating in it. Riverton is a victorian town with lots of old houses, tree-lined streets, and bunting and flags along the gas-light lit streets. They put on a good old-fashioned 4th of July parade straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting complete with cub scouts, bag pipes, and war veterans marching down Main Street.
But, this year I slept in and missed it. This year it falls on Wednesday. This year I still gotta do dialysis on Wednesdays. So, I didnt go. It's funny. Tuesdays and Thursdays and the weekends I'm up to do anything. But, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I really don't feel like do anything at all. I like to sleep late. I mope on the couch before I go. Dialysis puts such a wet blanket on things. I still have a tough time adjusting to it. I get down. I don't feel like going and it robs my soul when I am there. I still don't feel like I belong there. I look around and I see people a lot older than me. I see people that are little too kooky for my taste. And, I don't want to be there.
But, I guess I gotta be. My brother had blood work done to see if he matched my bone marrow and kidneys. He didnt. So, I'm stuck with what I got. I guess it gotta accept it. They say that Multiple Myeloma is called "Old Man's Disease". So, maybe I gotta accept that this is my "Old Man's" part of things. I still don't got to like it.
The next phase will be having my catherter removed and the dialysis needles stuck into my fistula graft directly into my right bicep. I see others have it done in dialysis and to me they might as well be sticking the needles directly into my heart. Sure, it will free me from my catherter. But, I don't want any of it anymore. It may continue my life. But, it feels like it robs my freedom of my life. We'll see....
For now, I'll continue to do what I gotta do. It's all I know what to do. Put one foot in front of the other and maybe tomorrow will be a bigger and brighter day. Hope (though it can be a four-letter word) is a wonderful thing. Each day I awake and think today might be the day I've been waiting for. We'll see. We'll see.
Thanks again and I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. I hope everyone survived their fireworks! Enjoy and love ya's, Lance.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
The Cost of Being Sick!: The following is said with my tongue in cheek. For I'm incredibly grateful that my company has kept me insured for all of this time. Lord knows that I can't even begin to imagine what all this has cost; actually a rough estimate puts it close to $2M. So, I guess if I wasnt insured then the hospitals and treatments and doctors would be outta luck. I'd be living in a cardboard box and no one would be getting any money.
But, i digress....The cost of being sick. Well, I've lost over 50lbs in the past year. For the past few months I've been cinching up my belts smaller and smaller and overlapping my pants and wearing shirts that are now way too big. I've estimated it's at least 5 or 6 inches off my waist. The new diet plan...The Cancer Diet!! You too can lose weight quickly and not so easily!! So, my cheap ass finally said I need new clothes after my shorts repeatly fell from my waist to the floor. So, I went out and got 3 pairs of shorts, 3 belts, and about 4 shirts. That'll be the start. All my work clothes will need to be altered, too.
And that's just my clothes. I'm now getting antsy to start excersising again and get into shape. I've been inactive for the past year due to my treatments and chemo etc. But, I can't run anymore for fear of impacting my bones. So, my idea is to get a bike. You know, low impact but still a good cardio workout. Well, let me tell you that my butt is so sore! I've been trying out bikes and I guess my ass isn't use to those thin, hard bike seats. And, now I'm trying to leverage out in my brain the cost of riding versus how much dust will gather on the bike. In my head I'm riding the Tour de France. But, somehow I know it'll spend a lot of time in the corner of the room. So, we'll see. I'm not ready to ride yet. I'm waiting to get my catherter out which will probably occur within another month.
And that doesnt include the new TV that I needed when mine exploded. I figured I needed a nice one if I was gonna be laid up after chemo and all my treatments. Rationalizations work well, huh? Thank god I've been able to hold onto my saving through this...so far.
Ok the medical progress....I went to the Doctor's this past Thursday. We don't have numerical data back yet telling how effective the chemo and bone marrow transplant did. But, the doctor was real happy with my progress. My first week back was rough. But, since then I've been feeling better and better. I've actually been out golfing twice now since the treatment and apparently that's impressive so soon after chemo (I actually walked 11 holes yesterday). So, I guess I can recuperate pretty good. I'm guess that's from all of your positive thoughts and prayers. I probably wouldnt be here without you.
So now I'm looking forward to getting back into life. I'ts been a year since I found out...well actually July 9th will be a year. Hopefully everything will show I can begin some semblance of a life. I will still be on dialysis. That sucks. That takes up 3 days a week. It might mean I need to give even more effort. But, I'm hoping that I can fit a life and work in and around that. We'll see. I'm getting anxious to be productive again.
Take care and thanks again to everyone. I hope all is well with you. Love ya, Lance
But, i digress....The cost of being sick. Well, I've lost over 50lbs in the past year. For the past few months I've been cinching up my belts smaller and smaller and overlapping my pants and wearing shirts that are now way too big. I've estimated it's at least 5 or 6 inches off my waist. The new diet plan...The Cancer Diet!! You too can lose weight quickly and not so easily!! So, my cheap ass finally said I need new clothes after my shorts repeatly fell from my waist to the floor. So, I went out and got 3 pairs of shorts, 3 belts, and about 4 shirts. That'll be the start. All my work clothes will need to be altered, too.
And that's just my clothes. I'm now getting antsy to start excersising again and get into shape. I've been inactive for the past year due to my treatments and chemo etc. But, I can't run anymore for fear of impacting my bones. So, my idea is to get a bike. You know, low impact but still a good cardio workout. Well, let me tell you that my butt is so sore! I've been trying out bikes and I guess my ass isn't use to those thin, hard bike seats. And, now I'm trying to leverage out in my brain the cost of riding versus how much dust will gather on the bike. In my head I'm riding the Tour de France. But, somehow I know it'll spend a lot of time in the corner of the room. So, we'll see. I'm not ready to ride yet. I'm waiting to get my catherter out which will probably occur within another month.
And that doesnt include the new TV that I needed when mine exploded. I figured I needed a nice one if I was gonna be laid up after chemo and all my treatments. Rationalizations work well, huh? Thank god I've been able to hold onto my saving through this...so far.
Ok the medical progress....I went to the Doctor's this past Thursday. We don't have numerical data back yet telling how effective the chemo and bone marrow transplant did. But, the doctor was real happy with my progress. My first week back was rough. But, since then I've been feeling better and better. I've actually been out golfing twice now since the treatment and apparently that's impressive so soon after chemo (I actually walked 11 holes yesterday). So, I guess I can recuperate pretty good. I'm guess that's from all of your positive thoughts and prayers. I probably wouldnt be here without you.
So now I'm looking forward to getting back into life. I'ts been a year since I found out...well actually July 9th will be a year. Hopefully everything will show I can begin some semblance of a life. I will still be on dialysis. That sucks. That takes up 3 days a week. It might mean I need to give even more effort. But, I'm hoping that I can fit a life and work in and around that. We'll see. I'm getting anxious to be productive again.
Take care and thanks again to everyone. I hope all is well with you. Love ya, Lance
Sunday, June 17, 2007
I've Been Home a Week and Finally Starting to Feel Good: Man! I got home last Saturday 6/9 and I'm only now starting to feel any type of good. I wasnt sleeping. My stomach hurt. I was irratible, miserable, and depressed. Only a couple of days ago have I been able to sleep and eat anything of substance. I only now realized how much of a "Hospital Hangover" I had. It's funny. They released me and since I was no longer in the hospital I figured in my head ( a dangerous place to go alone) that I was ok now; forgetting that I had only had chemo a couple of days prior and they had me hopped up on dilaudid for 15 of my 18 days in the hospital. So, I'm still recovering from chemo and I'm also withdrawaling from the pain meds, too. Then top that off with cold, dark cloudy days earlier this week....well I didnt want to get off the couch. I was licking my wounds so to speak. I didnt feel like doing anything. I only checked my email 2 days ago for the first time. And, I've been out of week and I'm only now typing my blog. I lost interest into doing anything. Oh, and the kicker to it all....My Father went into the hospital the day I came home. My cat, which they keep at there house, bit him on the hand a couple of days prior. Well, he didnt clean it or anything and it got infected. His hand swelled up like a balloon. He finally went into the hospital last Sunday. He's lucky. He could've lost his hand. But, the doctor's got all the infection out via some quick surgeries. So, I'm just out of the hospital and I'm trying to help my Mom out to and from the hospital and around the house. But, I can't. I'm just too darn exhausted. All I want to do is lay on the couch. Each day feels like I've ran a marathon. Every muscle ached. That's how fatigued I was. Thank god for my brother and his family. They really helped take care of my Mom and Dad (and still are). They talked with and met with the doctors. They grocery shopped and did my parents laundry. They really helped out and let me rest in the process. My Father is home now. My parents are taking it easy. Something both my brother and I keep reminding them to do. My Father will be on antibiotics for a month needing to take them 4x a day. My parents are doing much better together needing to work together a little bit more than they are used to. And me? Well, life is going on. I've gotten a couple of good nights rest. I've gotten outside. I'm slowly letting my body recover. And in the process I again realize just how much effort is needed right now. If I want anything I need to make the effort to get it. Yes, I needed to rest. But, I also needed to get myself off the couch. I again began to "poor me" and looking for something else to get me out of where I was. In the end, it's me who's gotta get me out and going. So much effort sometimes to even do the littlest things. But, I equate it to that old Nike commercial. "A body at rest will stay in rest. I body in motion will remain in motion". Sometimes I need to keep reminding myself. Anyway, I visit the doctor's this week to find out where my numbers are out and how successful the transplant was. Though, actual numbers and data will still be a week away (I get bloodwork this Thurs). I'm feeling better and hoping everything went well. Overall, the 18 days I spent in the hospital weren't the worst days. The care of the staff and probaby being hopped up on pain meds made my stay that much more bearable. LOL. Anyway, take care and thanks again to all who've given sooooo much. It means a lot. Love ya all, Lance.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
The Chest Tube is Out....Hooray!!: I can be the biggest baby on this here planet Earth. I can kick, scream, whine and generally freak out over the smalest thing or have melt downs over much larger issues. I needed a chest tube installed once they found the collapsed lung. It would inflate the collapsed area of the lung. As it turned out, it wasnt that big of a tube. And I whined and screamed enough to get some anti-anxiety meds and pain meds to take the edge off. Well, the doctor came in yesterday (Thurs), and with a little kicking and screaming, he removed the tube and quickly patched it. It turns out the tube inside my chest wasnt as large as the tube that extended outside to the collection chamber. So, my thoughts were bigger than reality. It still hurt, but not as bad as back in December during the heart surgery. That event and pain will be permenantly etched in my mind. Additionally today (Friday), my central line that was installed in my neck to be used for the stem cell transplants, transfusions, general iv infusions, and blood collection was also removed. I again kicked and screamed and this time it was for even less pain than before. I didnt even know it was removed. I kept waiting for it to be removed and it was already removed. lol So, now its Friday night. My tubes are out. I have a new iv in but, I'm not connected to any poles or iv lines. My blood counts have risen high enough that I'm no longer neutropenic. So, I'm only a transfusion of red cells (B+...like my atitude...get it..."B Positive"??!) and platlets left to be completed Saturday and I'm outta here! I can't believe it will be almost 20 days that I've spent in the hospital. Most of my time here has been well spent. I didnt freak out all that much. For the most part, I was able to pass the time away without many times of anxiety or outright boredom. I thank the many friends and family visits, the cards and gifts, which kept me going. I thank the absolutely incredible nursing staff here on the Rhoads 7th Floor. They all were incredible. I've never been around a more caring staff. Everyone of them treated me with respect and care every person deserves. They really helped my stay here to be manageable. So thanks to everyone. I love you all. I couldnt have made it through this without you all. And now...A new life will begin. Love you all and thanks, Lance
